Lacuna Coil - Falling
"I kinda liked his little jam" Nitya said to her mom as Deepak closed the bathroom door behind him. "It might not fit for your movie, but he could definately make a song out of it, don't you think...?"
"Yeah, there's probably a song in there, of course, I didn't mean for him to scrap it. It's just that it won't fit with the.. it won't be what I nee-"
A thumping sound was heard from behind the bathroom door...
"What was that?" Laranya said without delay, the concern in her voice was clear.
"What?" Nitya asked as she shook her head to get the last piece of rainwater out from her ear.
"It sounded like something fell down in the bathroom." Laranya said as she turned towards the bathroom door.
"Maybe papa just dropped something, you know what he's like when he goes into his creative mode..."
"No... I don't think so, this
sounded like something heavy falling..."
Laranya suspected the worst as she ran towards the bathroom door. "Deepak, honey? Is everything ok in there?"
"Mom..? You don't think that he...?"
"Deepak...?" Laranya said as her hand turned the door knob to open it. As it was only them in the house (and perhaps because he was so focused on his little jam), Deepak hadn't locked the door so she was able to open it to find him lying on the floor, his head tilted to the right and his mouth half open.
"Deepak!? Deepak, can you hear me, are you ok!?" Laranya said as she sat down next to him, immediately checking if he had a pulse.
"Yes....." his voice was slurred as he tried to speak.
"Mom...? What's going on? What happened..? Oh god! Oh no! Oh god! Mom!? Dad!?"
"Deepak!? Talk to me! What happened? Can you raise your arms for me?" Laranya could feel his left arm twitch as he tried to lift it, but it hardly moved from the floor.
"No... yes... no... no..." he mumbled as he struggled to keep his eyes open. "Yes.. yes...no.."
"Mom! Mom! What's going on!?"
"I don't know! I think he's having a stroke! I don't know! Call an ambulance! We need an ambulance!"
Time since onset of stroke: 3 minutes.
"Yes, yes, it's my dad! He fell on the floor, and he can't.. he can't speak or move his arms!.... No, mom is with him.. she thinks he's had a stroke! You must come quickly!"
"Stay with us, Deepak! An ambulance is coming to take you to the hospital!" Laranya said as she did her best to hold him in an upright position in what seemed like a small eternity before finally sirens was heard approaching and Nitya rushed to open the door for the ambulance crew.
"He's right there! He's in the bathroom!" she shouted in panic as they ran inside to put him on the stroller and take him out to the ambulance.
Time since onset of stroke: 11 minutes.
I talk with these lines
That's not the answer (...)
Is a sort of a cold breeze and I've
Never any feeling inside
Around me...
I bring my body
Carry it into another world I
know I live...but like a stone, I'm falling down
Ambulance driver 2 (Emil Molund, calling the hospital from the ambulance): Hello, this is ambulance S-2. We're on our way with a male, 69 years old, with what appears to be a large occlusion stroke. Patient is conscious, but disoriented and lacks speech function. Expected arrival in 5 minutes.
(...) I see that another day is gone
I don't wanna die…
Please be here when I'll arrive..
"Don't die.. please..."
Time since onset of stroke: 22 minutes.
At the hospital nurses were already waiting in the reception hallway and he was immediately brought into the emergency unit. Nitya and Laranya followed quickly as they had gone with him in the ambulance holding his hand all the way to the hospital.
Laranya ran into the emergency room with Deepak, the ambulance crew and one of the nurses, where she was greeted by one of the doctors.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Adnan Skjelbred, I'm one of the ER providers here" he said as he took out his hand, his voice annoyingly calm "you're his wife, I understand?
"Yes, yes, I'm Laranya, I'm his wife. Just get him.. what's gonna..?" she said, trying to catch her breath. "So, what we're gonna do now is a quick first assessment and then a CT scan to locate the stroke and its severity." he continued in a monotonous pitch as if this was all just a routine exercise.
"O.. ok.. you think.. you think he will be okay?" Laranya wasn't immediately trusting this man. How could he be so calm when her husband was lying there with a deadly stroke?
"Since you got him here so quickly there's a good chance, though he may need some care and time in the hospital as he recovers." dr. Adnan replied, his voice still flat and seemingly unaffected.
The other doctor in the room had sat down by Deepak to introduce himself. Deepak was lying on the bench with his eyes closed, but visibly breathing as his chest moved up and down.
"Hello, Deepak. I'm dr. Arnt Jevne, I'm a neurologist.You're showing signs of a stroke, so we're gonna do a quick exam on you, and take you to radiology to do a CT scan. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"...no.. yes, no..." Deepak turned his head and opened his eyes to look at the doctor, doing his best to give an answer.
"I understand.." dr. Arnt said, before he turned to the radiology nurse that had just walked up beside him. "Patient is alert, score 0. Severe aphasia, score 2 on language, I think we're gonna have to mix t-PA (1)."
"Alright, I'll call pharmacy and have them ready." the radiology nurse responded, before she took out a phone and gave a call.
"What does that mean? Is it bad? How bad is it?" Laranya didn't like the sound of what dr. Arnt had said to the nurse.
"Well, its likely a heavy stroke in his brain that can be treated with an injection called thrombolysis (2) to dissolve the blood clot, but to make sure.. that's why we're gonna have to take him to the CT scan first if that is alright by you." dr. Adnan explained to her in his usually distanced doctorly way.
"Oh, just do whatever you have to do so I can get my husband back!" First floor/ground floor overview.
Out in the hallway nurse Lisbeth Ølberg had sat down with Nitya on the couch, just outside the X-Ray room.
Time since onset of stroke: 26 minutes.
Nitya: Why is this happening? What are they doing in there? I just want papa to be ok..
Nurse Lisbeth: Your dads in good hands, the doctors are gonna do an assessment on him to find the best treatment, and then he will... he will probably gonna have to get a CT scan and some...
Nitya: Are they going to do surgery on him? Is he going to.. is he going to make it?
Nurse Lisbeth: Well, I have to be honest with you, I don't know yet, but depending on the severity of it, he might... but since you were so quick to call for an ambulance there's a high chance he will recover.
Nitya: And then.. do you think he can come home with us for christmas?
Nurse Lisbeth: Well, we're probably gonna have to keep him at the hospital for a while to make sure he recovers, so I can't promise anything, but eventually if things go well he should get to go back home with you.
While Nitya and nurse Lisbeth is talking on the couch, the doctors, the radiology nurse and Laranya exit the emergency room with Deepak and heads for the X-Ray across the hallway. The radiology nurse and doctor Arnt stay behind in the X-Ray room with Deepak to perform the CT scan while Doctor Adnan waits with Laranya out in the hallway.
Laranya: Oh, I just hope its not to serious..
Dr. Adnan: We all do, that's what we're gonna find out. I can promise you that we'll do our very best to get your husband back on his feet, and once again just to make sure, he's not on any blood thinners or the like?
Laranya: No, no, he's never been on any medication his whole life!
Dr. Arnt: We've got clear signs of an ischemic stroke with a hyperdense MCA (3) on the right side, most likely location of the clot. This one looks big, I think we're gonna have to do a thrombectomy (4).
Radiology Nurse Gøril: Alright, we'll take him back to the ER and begin administering thrombolysis and get the catheter ready...
----
Back in the emergency room Dr. Adnan explained to Laranya what they were going to do, to give him a shot of medicine they called alteplase (5) that would help dissolve the clot, as well as possible risks and complications of the medicine, but that due to the size of the clot, they would also need to remove it with a catheter. Laranya confirmed once again that he wasn't on any medication, and gave them the go ahead to continue.
"Ok Deepak, how are you? We located the stroke on the right side of your brain, so now we will give you some anasthesia, so you might feel a little sting in your right arm." Dr. Arnt said while getting the anesthetic needle ready.
"Then we will give you the medicine to help dissolve the clot before removing it. Do you understand what I'm saying and is this ok?"
" ..yes, yes..." Deepaks voice was still slurred, though his eyes were now focused intently on the needle in front of him. Deepak was already starting to get unconscious from the anesthesia when the doctor got the second needle with the alteplease ready, and was completely knocked out by the time the catheter was ready.. Laranya didn't want to watch this part, and had by then been guided out of the room to wait in the hallway with Nitya and nurse Lisbeth.
When the procedure was done and Deepak showed signs of waking up again, dr. Arnt had gone out in the hallway to allow Laranya back in so that she could talk with her husband.
Laranya: Hello, Deepak, sweetheart, can you hear me?
Deepak:.... mmmyes... yes, I can... I can h-hear you..
Dr. Adnan: Hey, Deepak. I'm dr. Adnan, nice to see you. We just removed your stroke. How are you feeling?
Deepak: I'm.. I'm fine.. I'm a.. little tired, but fine..
Dr. Adnan: That's good news. You're doing really well already, but just to make sure you will be transfered to the ICU – the intensive care unit - atleast over night, and by tomorrow we will do a reassessment and possibly have you moved to the rehabilitation unit. How does that sound?
Deepak: Fine, I guess.. how long..? When do you.. when can I go back home..?
Dr. Adnan: That depends on your progress. Your speech sounds good already, so tomorrow depending on the reassessment results we will make a plan. It's possible you may need some physiotherapy, but so far I think.. you should be well and ready to go home after a week or so.
At 1:30 in the night and about four hours since the onset of the stroke, Deepak was once again of good health, relatively speaking, so the nurses put him back on the stretcher to carry him out in the hallway to take the elevator one floor up to the intensive care unit...
Second floor overview:
Everyone, Laranya, Nitya, the doctors and the nurses, was happy to see that he had improved so greatly within such a short amount of time, as they all followed him one floor up to the intensive care unit.
"Looks like I might stay here for a while.." Deepak was still a little groggy from the anesthesia, and a little sorry he couldn't go home yet.
"That's ok sweetheart, we'll be here for you.. you just relax now, and everything will be ok.." Laranya was relieved she could talk to her husband again.
"I'm sorry for not being able to.."
"Dad! Don't be! We're just happy you're still.. we're.. we love you dad!" Nitya interrupted him.
"I.. I love you too, but... I'm still sorry for having to stay..."
"It's ok.. it's ok, I won't leave you.. " Laranya squeezed his hand tightly "I'll stay with you for as long as the doctors allow it..."
Nurse Lisbeth: I'm so sorry, but normally it's not allowed for relatives to stay overnight at the ICU, but we will be here to monitor him and do routine checkups to make sure everything is going well. You can stay at the hospital if you want, in the waiting room or the cafeteria, it will always be open, but I would recommend for both of you to go home and try to rest and come back again tomorrow morning.
Laranya: ..but, I promise, I won't be in your way..
Nurse Lisbeth: I'll uh... I'm really sorry, I can't allow that, but if you choose to stay at the hospital, we'll keep you informed.. how does that sound?
Laranya: I guess.. I guess that's fine.. I'll be.. I'll be in the cafeteria..
Nitya: Mom.. are you sure you don't want to go home? Because if you're staying, I'm staying too...
Laranya: I uh.. I'll be fine.. you go home and get some sleep, and I'll see you in the morning..
Deepak: It's.. it's alright, I think the doctors and nurses have.. things under control.. you can.. you can go home. I'll just be... I'll just be sleeping anyway..
Laryana: Deepak, darling? Are you sure?
Deepak: I'm sure.. I'll go to sleep now. I'll see you.. I'll see you both in the morning.. good night..
Nitya: Good night and sleep well, dad, I'll see you tomorrow...
Laryana: Ok, sweetheart.. we'll come back first thing in the morning, I promise.. good night...
Laranya (talking to Nitya): Looks like we're going home then.. I'll call for a taxi..
Nurse Gøril: You can rest safely, we'll have everything monitored. Good night and take care..
Laranyas notes:
It's not that I didn't trust the doctors and nurses, I mean, they managed to do the miraculous (to me at least), to bring him back, so I'm sure he was in good hands, but.. no, I just didn't like leaving him at the hospital like that. Alone in that room and that bed that wasn't his bed. I made a promise when I married him, you know. Through thick and thin, and that I would never leave him, so it just didn't feel right.
Oh, but thank goodness we have all been blessed with good health so far in our lives. I guess I should have known that something like this would happen sooner or later. It still came as a shock. I mean, both of us have lived pretty healthy lives so far, we have never smoked, and pretty much never drank and you know, eaten healthy and so on, but I don't know..I guess nothing can last forever, but I don't feel.. I feel as though it's not now.. It's not our time to.. It's not our time just yet, oh.. oh.. I feel like we still have.. plenty of moments with our.. grandchildren and.. you know...
I didn't realize how much time must have passed when we left the hospital. The ground was already covered in snow, and it was still snowing quite densely. When we walked towards the taxi.. dragging my feet through the snow had never felt so heavy. Every bit of me really wanted to turn and go back. I didn't want to leave.
I think we both cried a little as the taxi turned away from the hospital to take us home. I'm pretty sure we did. I could see it in the reflection of Nityas face on the window as we passed under the street lamps. I held her hand for the rest of the way home as we both sat there in silence.
With only me and my daughter in the house, I knew this christmas would be one unlike all the others.
It was hard and strange going to bed alone that night. Normally I would have been out like a light, but this night falling asleep at first was next to impossible as I kept lying there, wide awake, and thinking about all the what-ifs and about what would happen tomorrow...
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